This post comes as a followup to the original article I published as a statement addressing the recent allegations that have been made against me. The first article was intentionally brief and impersonal in an attempt to be clear about my innocence in this situation which is my first priority. My second priority is to relate to those who desire to understand the story in its entirety, and to communicate with my accuser about the events that have transpired between us. I have written the following as an open letter to theGohst, in hopes that we may find peaceful resolution.
My heart goes out towards you, theGohst; I know you may have felt that the opposite is true. I have nothing but love for you, and I am sorry for what we are both experiencing at this time.
On your blog, you gave a very explicit and detailed account of the intimate experience that we shared, and none to comfortable at that. I would like to take a moment to share my experience of the story, and how it was that I believe we got here today.
You and I were together for over a month before discussion of intimacy came up. We had talked openly about sex and sexuality, and had a comfortable space being with each other.
On the day this all happened, you had been in an upset state all morning, and were still upset when I had entered the room. In my intention to create some comfort for you, I approached and asked how you were doing. I then asked if we could cuddle, attempting to make you feel better. My full intention at this point was only to lift you up.
You said that it was okay for me to get on the bed, and so I did. I climbed up and wrapped my arms around you, and gently held you through the tears. We lay together for some time, we didn’t say much, but soon you were no longer in tears, and had calmed down quite a bit.
In this new energy, I had asked if you wanted to have sex. In the beginning, and as you have stated in your article – you did say “no”. This was the end of the conversation for some time. We continued to lay there for roughly 30 more minutes, and the energy began to build once more. My experience was that of a “one thing led to another” sort of thing, and roughly half an hour later, I did ask a second time, and this time you said “yes”. It was only then that we then proceeded. You were not in tears during this activity, you did not “cry out ‘no’” as you claim; had this been the case, it simply would not have happened.
In the articles that have been published against me, and by the way, I appreciate your attempt to keep me anonymous, as you were simply trying to express your experiences; nevertheless the words “coercive” happen to be used quite a number of times. This leads readers to believe that I repeatedly asked or even begged, over and over, until finally you were left feeling pressured and overwhelmed to say yes, as the only way out of the situation. This is simply not the case, and I only felt compelled to ask when the chemistry of the moment felt like it was natural.
In regards to our phone call and my “testimony of admittance” towards this being an act of rape, I feel it is important to clarify some of the details surrounding our conversations.
In the early part of 2017, you contacted me and claimed that you wished to make things right between us, to reconnect with each other and to open a space of healing and friendship. If you recall, our conversation went exactly like this:
We had talked on and off for several weeks, and never had you expressed to me that you were experiencing trauma as a result of our relationship. Eventually you said that you would like to do a phone call together, and it was on this call that you expressed your feeling of being raped. I was shocked and devastated to find out that this is how you felt. You said at the start of this call that in order to move on, you would like to share with me your experience of the way that you remembered it. You asked me to listen to you so that I may understand how you were feeling, and I agreed.
It was in these conversations that you alluded that if I was to confirm you story, you would be able to find peace, and put this whole thing behind you, and of course that is what I wanted for you. I was not privy to your other agenda, I did not know that it would be recorded, nor that you intended to attempt to use it against me as some sort of confession or entrapment.
And so, two times we had a phone call; each time you asked me to listen and confirm your experience. You asked for my cooperation in a verbal affirmation of your story as a part of a healing exercise, so that you could make sense of and be at peace with what had transpired between us. With tremendous love for you, I accepted to do this even though I did not share in certain understandings or perspectives of the experience. It was my understanding that had I said “no that’s wrong” and disagreed with your feelings, that it would not support you in your own inner resolution. In wanting to find peace and understanding towards this, I was open to hearing and acknowledging everything you had to say.
In my cooperation during the call, there was a moment where you asked me repeatedly “why do you think I felt this way?”, I then did verbally confirm “you were raped”, because that is what you alluded to wanting to hear, and it became apparent later that you wanted to hear it because you were recording it. I recognize I should have said “you felt raped”, as this is more accurate to my understanding of what happened, but realizing this may have been a trigger in that moment of the call, I said what I said putting aside my ego or any thought of self preservation.
Regardless of all of these details, my heart goes out to you, theGohst. All I want is reconciliation and healing between us, and for our friendship to be restored, and I truly believe that this is possible. I do not know if you recognize the damage you are causing by these harmful and inaccurate allegations. Please consider our moments of intimacy, and ask yourself: Do you genuinely believe that I ever had any level of malicious intent towards you, or ever desired to cause you harm? We both know the answer is ‘of course not’, and to suggest otherwise is unjust and cruel.
Once again I would like to ask that we find a way to come to a place of restoration, where both of our perspectives can be respected, addressed, understood, and acknowledged; so that we may both move forward in our lives and cultivate from this experience lessons that we can share with our communities.
Very truly yours,
Jordan David Duchnycz