An Open Letter to theGohst

An Open Letter to theGohst

This post comes as a followup to the original article I published as a statement addressing the recent allegations that have been made against me. The first article was intentionally brief and impersonal in an attempt to be clear about my innocence in this situation which is my first priority. My second priority is to relate to those who desire to understand the story in its entirety, and to communicate with my accuser about the events that have transpired between us. I have written the following as an open letter to theGohst, in hopes that we may find peaceful resolution.

~

My heart goes out towards you, theGohst; I know you may have felt that the opposite is true. I have nothing but love for you, and I am sorry for what we are both experiencing at this time.

On your blog, you gave a very explicit and detailed account of the intimate experience that we shared, and none to comfortable at that. I would like to take a moment to share my experience of the story, and how it was that I believe we got here today.

You and I were together for over a month before discussion of intimacy came up. We had talked openly about sex and sexuality, and had a comfortable space being with each other.

On the day this all happened, you had been in an upset state all morning, and were still upset when I had entered the room. In my intention to create some comfort for you, I approached and asked how you were doing. I then asked if we could cuddle, attempting to make you feel better. My full intention at this point was only to lift you up.

You said that it was okay for me to get on the bed, and so I did. I climbed up and wrapped my arms around you, and gently held you through the tears. We lay together for some time, we didn’t say much, but soon you were no longer in tears, and had calmed down quite a bit.

In this new energy, I had asked if you wanted to have sex. In the beginning, and as you have stated in your article – you did say “no”. This was the end of the conversation for some time. We continued to lay there for roughly 30 more minutes, and the energy began to build once more. My experience was that of a “one thing led to another” sort of thing, and roughly half an hour later, I did ask a second time, and this time you said “yes”. It was only then that we then proceeded. You were not in tears during this activity, you did not “cry out ‘no’” as you claim; had this been the case, it simply would not have happened.

In the articles that have been published against me, and by the way, I appreciate your attempt to keep me anonymous, as you were simply trying to express your experiences; nevertheless the words “coercive” happen to be used quite a number of times. This leads readers to believe that I repeatedly asked or even begged, over and over, until finally you were left feeling pressured and overwhelmed to say yes, as the only way out of the situation. This is simply not the case, and I only felt compelled to ask when the chemistry of the moment felt like it was natural.  

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In regards to our phone call and my “testimony of admittance” towards this being an act of rape, I feel it is important to clarify some of the details surrounding our conversations.

In the early part of 2017, you contacted me and claimed that you wished to make things right between us, to reconnect with each other and to open a space of healing and friendship. If you recall, our conversation went exactly like this:

We had talked on and off for several weeks, and never had you expressed to me that you were experiencing trauma as a result of our relationship. Eventually you said that you would like to do a phone call together, and it was on this call that you expressed your feeling of being raped. I was shocked and devastated to find out that this is how you felt. You said at the start of this call that in order to move on, you would like to share with me your experience of the way that you remembered it. You asked me to listen to you so that I may understand how you were feeling, and I agreed.

It was in these conversations that you alluded that if I was to confirm you story, you would be able to find peace, and put this whole thing behind you, and of course that is what I wanted for you. I was not privy to your other agenda, I did not know that it would be recorded, nor that you intended to attempt to use it against me as some sort of confession or entrapment.

And so, two times we had a phone call; each time you asked me to listen and confirm your experience. You asked for my cooperation in a verbal affirmation of your story as a part of a healing exercise, so that you could make sense of and be at peace with what had transpired between us. With tremendous love for you, I accepted to do this even though I did not share in certain understandings or perspectives of the experience. It was my understanding that had I said “no that’s wrong” and disagreed with your feelings, that it would not support you in your own inner resolution. In wanting to find peace and understanding towards this, I was open to hearing and acknowledging everything you had to say.

In my cooperation during the call, there was a moment where you asked me repeatedly “why do you think I felt this way?”, I then did verbally confirm “you were raped”, because that is what you alluded to wanting to hear, and it became apparent later that you wanted to hear it because you were recording it. I recognize I should have said “you felt raped”, as this is more accurate to my understanding of what happened, but realizing this may have been a trigger in that moment of the call, I said what I said putting aside my ego or any thought of self preservation.

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Regardless of all of these details, my heart goes out to you, theGohst. All I want is reconciliation and healing between us, and for our friendship to be restored, and I truly believe that this is possible. I do not know if you recognize the damage you are causing by these harmful and inaccurate allegations. Please consider our moments of intimacy, and ask yourself: Do you genuinely believe that I ever had any level of malicious intent towards you, or ever desired to cause you harm? We both know the answer is ‘of course not’, and to suggest otherwise is unjust and cruel.

Once again I would like to ask that we find a way to come to a place of restoration, where both of our perspectives can be respected, addressed, understood, and acknowledged; so that we may both move forward in our lives and cultivate from this experience lessons that we can share with our communities.

Very truly yours,
Jordan David Duchnycz

5 Comments

  • James H

    August 23, 2017 at 9:08 am Reply

    Thank you Jordan.

    I’ve followed your videos for some years and you’ve definitely been a source of good for the world, in my opinion and many others. No one has all the answers, but trusting ones intuition, your level-headed writing, as well as Teal Swan’s instincts as a response to this situation, it seems quite likely that you were not in the wrong here. I applaud your sincerity and, restraining your ego, wanting to reach out to those that felt inflicted.

    Will gladly keep following your progress. Best

  • Anna Karenina

    December 23, 2017 at 4:23 pm Reply

    but you said she said no several times too, wouldn’t it have been a better exercise to, instead of allowing her to continue spinning this story which will in the end traumatise her, essentially creating a false memory, wouldn’t it have made more sense for you to pause her and remind her of how it went? i just dont understand why someone would make it a healing exercise to visualise being raped? especially if it didn’t happen. And if it was a healing exercise why are you trying to defend what happened? Why not defend either all the way or not at all?

    • riverjordandavid

      January 13, 2018 at 4:15 pm Reply

      Hello Anna, thank you for writing your post and asking these questions. These are very good questions, ones I have spent a great deal of time pouring over.

      I have had a bit of a challenge in the last 4 years of my life being in a relationship with someone who would grow tremendously upset if they didn’t what they wanted. I developed a rather unhealthy habit of – in order to appease them – give them what they asked for, even if it was unhealthy for them, whether it was smoking cigarettes, or eating garbage food. It pulled me down a path which had tremendous lessons associated with it due to the extreme reality that I was experiencing.

      That said, when theGohst and I began communication, it was not long after this other relationship had ended, and I still maintained this attitude of essentially conforming to other peoples stories, and not holding true to my own heart. You’re completely right, I should have taken more time to get really centred and clear on what I know in my heart happened between us. I also did not think she would be the kind of person to record our calls and use it as public slander, when she asked me to go through her experience and to acknowledge it, I simply threw my arms up and said okay – I completely let go of my experience with her, and conformed to her story. It was very uncomfortable, and I even lied on the call trying to come up with an answer for her. “Why did it happen?” she asked, and I felt like “power, lust, greed” were the responses she wanted to hear, as she had essentially asked for. This has only led to an outbreak of unrest towards me, and fully understandable.

      It was only after this all happened I realized what my behaviour was causing by not staying true to myself, or speaking up about it.

      There are additional details to this story which I am currently writing about, and will be posting soon. There’s a lot more that has been left unsaid, as to why this is all happening.

      • Johnston

        January 16, 2018 at 6:58 pm Reply

        So let me get this straight.
        She says you kept asking about wouldn’t stop asking until you got what you wanted (sex). To which you affirm in the phone call that we’ve all heard… 6 minutes or so of you guys talking.

        But here, you flip that on her…. saying you gave into whatever she was saying … in order to help her?

        Sounds like your attempting to cover something up.
        Also- in her blog she mentions that this isn’t the first time the conversation had been brought up.

        So how could you be shocked and confused that this was how she felt?

        Help me understand.

        • riverjordandavid

          January 16, 2018 at 7:43 pm Reply

          Hey Johnston,

          It’s actually very simple; I believed her story, and in believing her story I confirmed what she said and gave her what she asked for – she wanted me to confess, and I agreed to do it.

          It was only after I confessed that I really took any time to go back and remember what happened. It was only after talking with her any further that I started to see all of the broken pieces in her story. She publicly wrote that when I told her about the chakra healing meditation she said “I don’t believe in that stuff”, and yet that doesn’t match with all of the Sprit Science content that she produced and posted on the facebook page, which I have images of. Here’s an example of a few things she posted:

          “Our Pleadian family is helping immensely with the shift at this time, reminding us of Bliss and what it truly is so that we may understand ourselves more fully and raise our vibration. May bliss in its many forms become you! Eternal Light to you! Patchgirl”

          and

          “My friends, dreams do come true! Sometimes it takes asking for help and coming together to bring them into fruition. Don’t ever fear asking for help. it’s why we are all on this planet together. Eternal Light to you, Patchgirl”

          There’s about 30 of these.

          She said that we weren’t ever “really together”, and yet it was probably one of the most intimate and deep and ‘real’ relationships that either of us had ever had, on a physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual level – yet whenever we even got into the same bed for sleep, we would magnetize to each other and fit in each others arms so perfectly; we were inseparable, and had tons of fun together.

          She also doesn’t share the stories about how she was depressed, actively cut her wrists and had a bad drinking problem before we were together, and had cut herself the morning before we were first intimate. That intimate experience was a deep spiritual meditation on so many levels which we did as a result of her cutting her wrists, and there was a lot that we did beyond the story that she shares (deep tantric breathing for like an hour, synchronizing our breath and speaking about a spiritual rebirth), and it was a lot more consensual than what she describes too. After that day, she never cut her wrists again until after we had broken up, and her depression returned. I have spoken with some people about this, and it has been suggested to me that she could have been abused as a child, and repressed these memories, which could be why she was so depressed and cutting herself growing up, and associated that pain with me after our relationship ended. This is possible… but I cannot confirm it to be true in any way. I wouldn’t know.

          She said to me recently in rage “You never loved me!” and I think this is the actual core of what happened between us, because I was seduced by a man twice my age and fell away from my heart, and fell away from her. In this, I made her feel betrayed, and in her confusion and returning depression, came to the conclusion that she must have been raped because there’s no way that intimate experience was authentic in her mind. Over time, this story cemented in her mind, and due to my really messed up ensuing relationship with my older male friend, I too became very confused, leading me to “give her what she wants” and confess, the same way that I did for my male friend who – over the years, would behave counter to my heart, and I gave in regardless out of fear, and love for the individual.

          When you suggest that I might be hiding something, what I actually have been hiding (but not without the intention of sharing it one day), has been this relationship, and how it affected everything in my life. It destroyed most of my personal relationships, and is the cause of why we are having this rape-story happen today. It was very yin and yang, because at the end of that relationship, I felt raped too… yet, I was the one who actively created it, just as she did.

          I take responsibility for my own actions in all that I have done, and I have reached a place after doing enough internal work and healing from this messed up relationship that I know in my heart what I have done, and what I have not. I did not rape her; I know this in my heart. I did mess up that relationship royal; and I completely understand why she’s angry with me, this I also know that I did. Her anger is not unwarranted, but I did not rape her. I broke her heart.

          I appreciate you asking these questions from an open and respecting place. It means the world to me, and gives me the opportunity to respond openly as well.

          Thank you.

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